Beginner's Guide To The Third Eye

THE CUDDLE CLASS EPISODE

Krista Rauschenberg Season 1 Episode 9

In this episode, we dive into the sense of touch and explore how cuddle classes are revolutionizing the way we connect with others and ourselves.  This simple yet profound act of platonic touch in a safe, supportive environment can help support personal growth, emotional healing, and provide a deep sense of community.

Stella Cheung is a love and intimacy coach who helps clients intuitively connect with their mind and body in order to access their innate wisdom and be more authentically self expressed.  She has over 20 years of experience teaching yoga, meditation, and shamanism, and is also trained in conflict resolution as a certified mediator and coach. 

Our willing participants are your hosts Krista and El who very bravely (if we say so ourselves) agreed to try a Cuddle Class.  Eek!

Stella:

Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm. Somebody else is on our belly. They're feeling our rhythm. What tends to happen is we are co regulating. And we begin to breathe. Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax. We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched we can feel high from it, right? We can feel like we're floaty blissful. We're feeling soft feeling very receptive, your heart is opening. That's the oxytocin high.

Krista:

Welcome to the Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye, the podcast that delves into the profound realms of spiritual experiences, exploring the dedicated practitioners and various modalities that guide us on our transformative path. Together, we will explore the mystical, the magical, the enlightened, and the sacred. In each episode, we pair seasoned practitioners, spiritual experiences, or healing modalities, and a willing participant to share their experience in working together. We will explore the unique insights, stories, and wisdom gained from their own profound journeys, unveiling the extraordinary narratives that shape spiritual seekers and practitioners alike. My name is Krista Rauschenberg and my work as a healer has emerged from hundreds of hours of certified training, spiritual initiations, direct experience, and deep personal work. I have been employed in the healing arts as a postpartum doula, an advanced Akashic reader, an Akashic breathwork practitioner, and a writer. Facilitating and educating people through their personal, spiritual, and healing journeys is my greatest source of happiness.

El:

And I'm Elle Larson. I use sound and space to help balance internal and external environments. I've practiced holistic healing modalities for over 20 years, and my work includes Tibetan bull sound healing, feng shui, reiki, and shamanism.

Krista:

Welcome once again to The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye where we demystify the mystical.

El:

In this episode, we dive into the sense of touch and explore how cuddle classes are revolutionizing the way we connect with others and ourselves The simple yet profound act of platonic touch in a safe, supportive environment can help support personal growth, emotional healing, and provide a deep sense of community. Our practitioner today is Stella Chung, a love and intimacy coach who helps you intuitively connect with your mind and body to access your innate wisdom and be more authentically self expressed she has over 20 years of experience teaching yoga, meditation, and shamanism, and is also trained in conflict resolution as a certified mediator and coach. She creates and facilitates experiential events that defy conventional social constructs where you feel safe to step outside of your comfort zone and discover your potential for love and connection. And, our willing participants are, us! When I brought up the idea of a cuddle class, both Krista and I shied away from it, or rather rejected the idea, which meant that it was probably a good thing for us to do. Join us as we explore the holistic benefits of platonic touch, uncover the science behind cuddling, and meet the inspiring individual spreading warmth and kindness through this remarkable practice. So Stella, can you tell us a little bit about your background? What other modalities you've studied and what led you to this?

Stella:

Yes. So it's been a journey I'm sure you guys know, it's one thing leads to another. My background is in the healing arts with yoga, mindfulness, meditation, a lot of somatic work, dance and shamanism. And I'm also a certified mediator. And over the years, just for these different practices and connecting to myself, helping others to connect, I've To their bodies to their truth. It has led me to knowing and discovering that I really have a love for facilitating connection between people, whether that is in conversation, whether that's interaction in how we relate to people. And so it has led me to creating this community. called Misfits in Love, where it is about relationships, and it's about discovering, what is most fulfilling for you, and what that looks like, because what's modeled for us is only one model, right? It's heteronormative, monogamy, and it's like, what are the options outside of that, if people are looking at what is fulfilling, or even not putting a label on it? So this led me to doing experiential workshops, experiential classes, where people can actually experience for themselves how they like to relate and how they like to interact with people and to be able to connect in a way that feels meaningful. So that's really the crux of my work.

Krista:

That's fascinating. What type of I was going to say education. Is it an educational background? How do you study for something like this

Stella:

It's been cumulative over the years just accumulating knowledge and Putting pieces together and I guess We're always our own guinea pig right and what we do or what we teach is what we need most And coming from a family where I didn't really feel like there was true, deep connection, that's what I've longed for in my own life and in my own relationships. It also comes from I really don't like small talk, and so how do I, relate to people when I first meet them in a deeper way. What kinds of questions can I ask that will foster a deeper connection and faster? So I like to do that not just for myself, but to be able to facilitate that for group settings as well. Mediation training helps with facilitation, but I also went to facilitation school and discovered how to create, whether it's 10 or 100 people and how you can create intimacy even in a large group that you do feel like you're making deeper connection it was actually during COVID that I was able to grow my community, using facilitation exercises, these different ways of helping people to connect online. I think it's really powerful knowing how to, Facilitate connection whether it's online or in person with a community or with groups, because it really does work Things that are facilitated or guided in a way that feels intentional, where our time. Getting there and being spent there feels like it's well used.

Krista:

Amen. It's so courageous what you do. I think it takes such courage to be vulnerable to bridge those uncomfortable gaps and bring people together and bypass all of their own, either social anxiety or personal anxiety to just go in and take them forward. I think as a facilitator must take a lot of courage.

Stella:

Thank you. I was going to say, I can be really socially awkward. And so maybe that helps my social awkwardness. But knowing what it feels like to be on that receiving end of showing up to a place and really not knowing anyone or not knowing where to start. I think it just really helps people to have a place to start, you know.

Krista:

Anytime I go to just a party, They always seem so empty to me It's like, can we do something can this be a game night or can we go do an activity or something? So I'll put myself in charge of something just so that I have some function in that environment. Yeah. I can relate. That's really anxiety. Yeah.

El:

I have a little bit of the same thing I feel really comfortable in a situation and really comfortable talking to people that I don't know when it's something that I'm a part of or I'm hosting, a sound bath, super comfortable, talking to people who have come in. But when it's a situation where it's not in my domain I'm not the one that's going to go up and introduce myself to somebody that I don't know. So then yes, I would be, but there's a lot of people out there like that. There's a lot of people out there who are comfortable just like, Oh, Hey, so and my name is whatever. And Stella, you don't strike me as the type to be. Socially anxious because it seems like you do everything with ease. But then again, this is your domain and you're the one facilitating it. So do you notice that kind of shift as well? If it's something that you're hosting and something that you feel, you've got to absolutely,

Stella:

yes, because when I'm hosting, it's like, wherever it is, it's like I'm welcoming them into my home, right? That's how it feels. And I want people to walk in feeling safe, feeling comfortable, knowing what to expect. If it was me going to an event where I didn't know anybody, I might just be a fly on the wall, or depending on my mood or who's there. So yeah, it was very different.

El:

​Okay, so we're about to head into cuddle class. How are you feeling? I'm nervous. Nervous how? I don't know. I don't really like people touching me. Strangers. Yeah, and I'm not sure what to expect. But I also know because I feel this way, it's probably good for us to be doing this. Do you feel the same way?

Krista:

I don't want to do this and I don't do Know who? comes to these kinds of things. What are we getting ourselves into? But it's something that I have such a big aversion to is probably going to have a really good outcome. But I don't want to be here. It's not that I don't want to be here. It's just I just don't want anyone to touch me. And I want to be put in a position where I'm going to have to do something that I don't want to do. And I don't want to Get in the things like group pressure I'm not a joiner of anything I'll stay on the outside in the lodge. Yeah, but I'll stay here. Okay, so I don't know what's gonna happen.

El:

The one thing is that I trust the facilitator implicitly. You know her, she knows her really well, I don't know

Krista:

her,

El:

So at least I have that, so I don't want to blame you. And then I

Krista:

trust

El:

you,

Krista:

One removed. I'm going in. Yeah, we're going in. Alright. Anyway. Bye! See I have to say walking into this. experience. You held such a safe, warm welcoming home for us to relax into. So I felt really safe walking in that didn't help my anxiety of what was about to come, but at least there was that. Invitation to relax. And I thought it would be interesting. I felt safe with you. I guess is my point. Oh,

Stella:

That just warms my heart hearing that. Thank you for sharing that. Can you describe to us a little bit Stella? What is a cuddle class? Oh, that is a there's so many layers to it. I would love to ask you that question. I would say The first thing I say is that it is an experiential class with platonic touch with no strings attached. There's complete autonomy for every person and choosing what's right for them in every single moment. And it's about being able to clearly communicate Your yes and your nose and being able to say no without guilt. So I say it's a, class about being able to communicate your needs and your desires and be able to express your boundaries. That's what it's really about. It's a class about that disguised as a cuddle, so I think there's so many life lessons that can be learned within a cuddle class that are a little unexpected.

El:

Yeah, I would definitely agree with that. I think it was really important how you started the class out with us just getting into our bodies and walking around the room and doing some stretching. That was just a very solitary activity within the group and it helped us begin to engage with the energy of the other people in the room, but most importantly, like engaging with our own bodies and how we felt and then there were these practices around consent and asking and receiving consent or saying no or no, thank you. And I thought that was really important and super valuable. One of the things that I walked out of the class saying was if everybody had some of those consent exercises, there could potentially be, less trauma in the world because not only people feeling comfortable saying no or giving an alternative no, I'm not comfortable with that, but we can do this instead. And most importantly, feeling okay. hearing no. One thing that you mentioned is no is not a rejection. Can you talk a little bit more about that aspect of the class? Sure. I think that's one of the key parts. That a significant part of cuddle class and being able to say no and reframing it even for ourselves and how we hear a no because, we're conditioned to think that a no is a rejection and we might take it personally. So to be able to bring the no into a different light, into a different way of thinking about it as Oh, that person is taking care of themselves or I'm saying no, because that's not what I want right now. And I'm taking care of myself. It's also thinking about how if I can trust your no, then I can trust your yes. Because I think as women, we are taught and conditioned to be agreeable, to accommodate, I grew up being a people pleaser. And so it's saying yes to everything, or, if I Don't say yes, being afraid, the fear of losing this person's love or losing this friendship or whatever. It might be a threat, right? It could be a threat to some sort of love that I am wanting to keep or to keep the connection. Being able to say no is super powerful because then it begins to create the trust that we can really Be honest with each other that we do respect each other enough to be honest To be authentic and to say the hard things even if it is hard and what creates true intimacy is being able to Be open and being able to really express what's true for you.

Krista:

And so that's how you started our class. I'm guessing you start every class that way by teaching us the rules where you pair us up and then someone will ask to hug us, let's say, and then we're made to say no to practice saying no, regardless of what we felt in that moment. And it sets it up. So everyone has that experience of what it's like. And then you're giving us permission to do that throughout the rest of the class. So it sets a foundation that we have a choice.

Stella:

Yes, absolutely. That every person has a choice in any moment. I'm curious what it was like for the two of you to say no and to receive a no.

El:

It was wonderful to have that groundwork laid and being like, okay it's good to say no, it's okay to say no. For me that felt really comfortable. It made me feel more safe in the spot. And I thought it was also really important how you instructed on saying no, you could give an alternative do you want to hug? No, but I'm okay. Shaking hands but then also receiving that. No when I said no, thank you was, oh, well, you know, I'm, I'm happy that you're taking care of yourself or, thank you for taking care of yourself which. Is really affirming. It's like that person is supporting my decision instead of feeling put out by my decision.

Stella:

Yes. I love how you put that supporting your decision. And it doesn't necessarily mean that's the end of the conversation, right? You can negotiate.

El:

That make you feel Krista?

Krista:

I was very happy for it. I said no a lot. It took me a while to warm up. My guard was very much up. So to have that as an option, having no idea what we were getting into, Oh, okay, I don't have to do any of this. I wasn't ready to really participate. I didn't want to engage. So it helped a lot.

Stella:

I was going to say I just want to acknowledge the two of you it does take a lot of freaking courage to come to a cuddle class to not know what is happening. Because even just the name can sound weird, right? What is a cuddle class? I don't want to be around creeps. I don't want to be touched by creeps.

Krista:

Why are we going to a sex party? We talked about it after, I would have never gone without Elle or a friend. The people that came on their own, hats off. My goodness. Amazing.

Stella:

Yes. Absolutely. Yes. And it's so normal. The way you guys described how you felt is totally how others feel. Like it's so normal. It's what most people feel like. It would be weird for them to not feel that.

Krista:

Of course, right? Yeah.

El:

So what type of people do seek out a cuddle class? Who is your audience?

Stella:

That's a good question. It's usually people who have felt isolated, I think, as the pandemic ends, or they're still feeling effects of the isolation from the pandemic. They are living alone. They're not in a relationship. There is no family. They could be in a relationship where there is not a lot of touch going on. Their partner may not be interested in touch so they're getting a need. Met and fulfilled by coming to a platonic touch class.

Krista:

We saw that there's a community people that have continued to come back and had a relationship already formed. So they knew what they were coming for. They knew what they were coming to get, and they dove right in and didn't waste any time, which I thought was fascinating.

Stella:

Yeah, people do get to know each other through the cuddle community and They do just come, dive right in and to a spoon train and to a bear den, all of those cuddle positions that we like they were getting their medicine. And they wanted it. Yes. Yes. I think, people who are wanting to connect. In a different way to experience themselves in a different context might seek out an experience like this, out of curiosity.

Krista:

It's almost like training ground, right? Come do it in this platonic safe environment and then you can apply what you learned out in your world, in your life, in your relationships. And like anything with more practice, you get better, you get more comfortable with asking, even with the actual contact or touch.

Stella:

Yes. A question is popping up in my mind. Am I able to ask? For sure, please. So I'm curious, when you heard Cuddle Class, what was your first impression? Like what images, what feelings or words came to mind about it? And what was your impression after?

El:

I was imagining the freestyle cuddle. Because you're involved and I know you and I trust you. I knew that there would be a high level of ethics to it and a high level of integrity to it. But I pretty much imagined what was going on in the freestyle cuddle. But I didn't really. Anticipate that I would feel so comfortable not being a part of the freestyle cuddle. I went into it feeling like everybody's gonna be cuddling and then Krista and I are gonna be like sitting on the sidelines holding hands, and feeling the odd people out. But I didn't feel uncomfortable at all not participating in some of the larger cuddle groups. I loved cuddling with you though, Stella We did have a nice cuddle. We did have a nice cuddle. So I warmed up and I. felt comfortable cuddling with you. I felt like I would feel awkward all of the time and out of place all the time, but would say a third of the way into it. I was like, I feel comfortable and it's not weird for me to sit here with these. Boundaries and I can enjoy and share space with people to my level of comfort.

Krista:

Stella, I don't know you. So I thought it was creepy or it would be lascivious in some way I was dismissive and then had conversations about it, and was curious and much like L, I was happy to know my boundaries. Reinforced my sense of self. I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want, and I had no problem putting that boundary up and keeping that boundary. I never felt like I had to, give someone what they wanted over what I needed. So that felt really good. It's like I really know myself. And that's, of course, taken a lot of work and a long time. I didn't feel the need to be part of a bigger cuddle group that just didn't feel safe or inviting or interesting to me. Had I been there with a bunch of my friends, I probably would have done that. But I know I need that level of intimacy or closeness or connection. But I did do more than I thought I would do. There was a moment where you had us lay our heads on someone else's belly. And then someone would lay their head on our belly. And that melted me. And what came through was this sense of humanity and me of Oh, we're all just. Human and trying to connect and understand. And it really opened my heart. And as soon as my heart was open, then everything felt different. And I was far more willing. and able to connect One gentleman asked if he could hold my hand. And I'm telling you, if he'd done that, like 10 minutes before this heart opening, I would have said no. And then I was like, oh yeah, you can hold my hand. Why not? Yeah, hold my hand. And then he asked if he could touch my foot and I was like, oh, that's so sweet. Yeah. Touch my foot. and then I got to a point where I was like, does anyone else want to come and touch me? Does anyone else want to rub my feet? Then I was in So yeah, it was a really interesting unraveling or opening that I feel like was done very organically. Hence, your ability to create that space. So thank you.

Stella:

I love that.

El:

I will second that. What did you call it? Was it like stomach Tetris or something like that where we like the belly laughing?

Stella:

Oh, yeah, that we did some lattice or something because it looks like a

El:

lattice. Yeah, that was a fantastic icebreaker because it wasn't intimidating for me, not a big deal to have somebody's head laying on my stomach and for me to be laying my head on somebody else's stomach. And I thought it was a nice way to relax into things. And also that physicality of having a weight on your belly as you're breathing, there something grounding about it and for our listeners, anytime somebody touches you in the cuddle class, they need to ask for your consent just to speak about some of the guidelines like you say, Stella, everything is G rated. A six year old could walk in and we wouldn't have to adjust anything. There's, nothing sexual about it.

Krista:

That's what got me I thought. Oh, So this is safe. That was my selling point.

Stella:

Yeah, there's no assumptions about who we can touch or how we can touch them, even L if like we were holding hands and I, Naturally wanted to stack my leg on top of yours maybe that would just naturally happen. But, it's to ask, it's not to assume, right? It's to make sure that every single touch is intentional, that we do have a hell yes to it. And that if it's a maybe, it's a no. And if it's a no, it's a no. So anything short of a hell yes. Is a no and to make sure that we're not operating off of assumptions. I'm curious, how has this changed, in your own life about assumptions for a hug? Outside of the class.

El:

One thing that came to me is I'm super comfortable giving and receiving hugs especially in our community, we work in holistic fields. And so a lot of people hug for greeting and in the beginning exercises, I realized I'm pretty much comfortable hugging almost anybody but there is, for me, a comfort level with, how long that hug sustains. It's definitely made me sensitive about people who might not want a hug. And not that I go around hugging everybody, but I think, asking people if they are okay to hug. One of my big takeaways was noticing the difference between pushing my comfort level, which this definitely did versus crossing a boundary.

Krista:

How do you know when you cross a boundary? What is your telltale sign for yourself?

El:

Oh, that I retract and I just don't want it. I might not say that, but I'm like that inside. I'm like a little five year old inside no, I don't want that. I don't like it.

Stella:

Yeah, usually when a boundary is crossed or something that we don't want, our body immediately knows, there's a contraction. And with what you said earlier, Krista, about you felt your heart opening and you felt safe. To be able to let go and trust that experience like our body knows right you immediately feel it And so I love that this cuddle class gives us an opportunity to really get in touch with our bodies because the body always knows first and Really trust what it's signaling to us

Krista:

yeah. Stella, who would this class not be good for?

Stella:

That's a good question. I guess it wouldn't be good for somebody who is not open to experiencing something different.

Krista:

What about people with any kind of like physical trauma or sexual trauma? Because I could imagine that this would be a beautiful way to come back into their body, heal parts of them that may have been. Talk about boundaries crossed. So do you recommend it for people with, those types of traumas? Can you speak to that at all?

Stella:

That's a great question. And in particular, for my cuddle classes that I host and facilitate it is specifically to help people with boundaries, with consent, being consent informed, being able to communicate their wants and desires. This class is therapeutic in nature, and it's not intended for healing. That you may have your own healing, or that a healing may occur, but the purpose of it is for betterment. practicing and building our consent and communication and boundaries. So that's how I differentiate. Healing versus being therapeutic,

Krista:

beautiful. And then there is an intake form, if I remember. And do you ask any of these questions on that intake form, just so that you're informed about what you may encounter?

Stella:

Yeah. So there are. specific questions. Not so much about what are you healing, but do you have any pain? And that's a very general question, that people can either share if it's physical pain, emotional pain, any sort of difficulties that they're going through in their life, if they're willing to be open and sharing that I do take a look. At that to make sure that whoever is coming can feel supported and be aware of where people are mentally and physically,

El:

you also make it quite clear that it's not a place where you pick up people to date. It's not a dating service, definitely helps with the safe environment.

Stella:

I want to make things explicit and that's why I have these specific questions on the intake form, just so people know, that this is a safe space it is platonic and that if anybody has, any sort of notion that they can ask someone out on a date or that they're going there for that reason that's not tolerated. So I have these guidelines to make sure that we're all on the same page that somebody has actually read that and they check off. Yes, I understand. So that's just really important to me so that in creating the safe container, it begins before we actually come in person together,

Krista:

because I'm sure there are groups of people that get together for different reasons. That does exist in the world. So to differentiate yourself from that and say, we are not that I think is really important. So people don't get confused. You're talking about orgies, aren't you, Krista? Yes, we got to wrap up because I got you guys. Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. No, there's all kinds of play encounters and sexual exploration.

El:

Let's touch on that real quick because when it is balanced and when there is consent, that's all very healthy. It's just that cuddle class is not one of those things.

Krista:

So people know what they're, what they're signing up for. Yeah. Yeah. And then Stella, tell us where does cuddle class come from? What are the origins of this to develop this? I'm guessing it's from the 1920s. Just kidding. I

Stella:

think it might be, no. Jean Frazblau is actually the creator of the Cuddle Sanctuary who certifies cuddle experts and trains people to lead these classes and she's based in Los Angeles. It's an ongoing training that she does and, like you said, I think it's wonderful work that restores faith in humanity and after every cuddle class, that's exactly how I feel.

Krista:

And what are some of the things you learned in your training that you didn't know? Going in what are some of your big takeaways from your training?

Stella:

I would say, the training is very thorough and there is a code of ethics, for the trainers. And how we conduct ourselves and how do we create an environment that does feel safe, where people feel like they can choose in any moment, the autonomy that they have in every moment during the class to be able to express themselves. And yeah, I think the trust and the safety is the most important component.

Krista:

What do you think of the psychology behind it? Because I was left with almost a deficit. After the class, it's like my body yearned for that again, but almost a false economy Because that wasn't real in my life. Those weren't people that I could call tomorrow and go, hang out with again. And one of the gentlemen that I partnered up with. I found attractive. So it was an interesting thing to let an attractive man rub my head and rub my shoulders and then walk away from it. So the psychology behind that was interesting to me because my body didn't know that this wasn't something that I might be interested in continuing. Does that make sense?

Stella:

So your body wanted more of it, but mentally you were telling yourself this isn't really in my life. This was just something I experienced. And so I

had to kill myself.

Stella:

Yeah. It's like I opened. I don't know. Do you? We have a cuddle community and a WhatsApp group where I do encourage people to join so that you can have your spontaneous cuddles if you wanted to. And people have been getting together. So maybe you need to join that group.

Krista:

I'll be under the umbrella of this is just a cuddle versus. I wouldn't date this person or take it any further. Does that make sense? Yeah So I think

Stella:

that's also a distinction. Two things like first there is such a thing as the oxytocin high which is the hormone that makes us feel connected and loved and so the come down of that

Krista:

and not the next hit felt a little jarring actually to me. I remember exactly the next day Feeling like I was in a deficit is the best way I can put it,

Stella:

that is such a great way of putting it. And what we encourage people to do the next day is to really take it easy, like to really do things that really nourish you, nourish your body, whatever that may be like taking a walk or hike in nature going dancing whatever that may be. So that oxytocin high that you are feeling can ride itself out through maybe something else that you can nurture yourself with, but there isn't that drop that sudden deficit that you're talking about, but that is so common.

Krista:

Yeah. And then psychologically, I have this handsome man with his arms around me rubbing my head. I'm like, are we on a date right now? Is this my boyfriend? Are we getting coffee after this You go through these mental things in your mind. How could you not? We're human, right? That was just really interesting to me, too.

Stella:

And I think that's also a really great point is can we have these beautiful experiences of relating to another person where we do feel like we've had an intimate emotional connection without attachment, right? That does this need to lead to another thing? The second thing that I want to make a distinction about is yes, the purpose is not to come to a cuddle class to find a date. But if a connection has been made, then I would, love for people to connect, to be able to practice your yes, your no, we are in a community where we can speak honestly, where we can speak honestly. Speak truthfully. And so if an authentic connection has been made, I think it would be wonderful for people to say, Hey, I really felt like I connected with you. Would you be open to keeping in touch? If that's really what's desired and then for that person to be able to say, yes, I would love to, or no, I'm not really feeling it. I love the connection here. And this is where I want to keep it,

Krista:

that actually helps a lot because I didn't know that. But knowing that now that feels far more organic to the whole process that it could, if both parties feel the need, it could develop into something. Cause to me, it was like opening, this whole metaphor stuff. And then it's like, boosh, the door just slammed shut. And that was jarring for me that felt like, what did I do? And why did I do that? Why did I let this all open up in me? If it was just going to be slammed shut

Stella:

Great point. So what do you think could have helped is there something that I could have said or something that could have been guided at the end when we're closing to say something if you've made a connection?

Krista:

I guess I didn't know the full rules. So that's on me. But also it's, I think a personal thing too. My own experience of opening up and then really seeing Okay, I need more of this in my life. I need more of a road to travel so that this can stay open. So I think it's my responsibility, not yours, if that makes sense.

Stella:

Yeah, I hear you. And I also want to make sure as a facilitator that I do make the expectations clear and that if there can be some guidance in fully supporting somebody's fullest experience with that whole process, because like you said, there is an opening, right? So I don't want people to be left hanging with what to do with that. Or if they really do want to connect with somebody but feel like there's a rule there where it's off limits. And so if there is a true connection I would love for that connection to be able to continue,

Krista:

Even just and pardon me if you do mention this and I didn't hear you, but talking about the oxytocin, Tosin coming down from that and what you can do and how you can support yourself. That's huge because ultimately that's a lot of what it is right to come down. And a lot of people that are going there don't have an oxytocin exchange at home. So that's where the disconnect is. I think that's incredibly valuable too talk about

Stella:

yeah, absolutely. I usually do. I can't remember if I did with this one. And that's why I do say there's a WhatsApp group, but I might have missed it. But I do appreciate you saying this because it is really important because it's all part of the process and and saying that I'm curious, it sounds like with that oxytocin drop or that experience of feeling the depletion. Yeah what is it that you realize that you may need more of in your life

Krista:

a puppy Someone went and got a puppy

Stella:

Yeah, just got her.

Krista:

I was I was fostering puppies and I've been looking for a puppy, but I finally found my puppy two weeks ago. So I'm all good now, but that was shortly after cuddle class that you found him, right? Yeah. Yeah. I think it opened my heart, right? I lost my dog a year ago and it just was, ouchy. But yeah, good point. Yeah, I'm sure. It was like, all right, I'm ready. All jokes aside. oh, and I got back on dating apps. Two double whammy. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you. Oh my God. Talk about a major heart opening a little bit. Stella, you got my heart all open.

Stella:

I actually started these classes for to help people experience themselves in different contexts and how to relate. And so Misfits in Love is a community for people who are exploring anything outside of monogamy or anything if you didn't want to label it anything that is fulfilling for you, basically designing relationships. Wow. So that you're not just operating by default.

Krista:

Is that couples of therapy, individual therapy? Is it a group thing? What is

Stella:

it? It's a group community. And then I also have coached individuals and couples and being able to redesign and redefine their relationships so that it can be more meaningful for them.

Krista:

It's coming together, a communal.

Stella:

So the community itself we do social things together. It's what motivated me to do these cuddle classes was because of this group that I started to help them have different experiences, like experiencing themselves in a different context and how they want to relate. And then it expanded outside of my Misfits in Love group where I promoted is Sex Positive Los Angeles and also the Bloom Community and then Cuddle Sanctuary. What was the other one? Bloom Community? Bloom Community. Yeah. And that's actually a place, it's an app where you can go for dating, where you can go for events, where you can find community. That's amazing. Look at you. Changing the world. So another place for you guys to explore, maybe. It's all sex positive kink friendly anyone who is exploring BDSM um, LGBTQ friendly, all of these communities where we get to explore who we are what's authentic to us, what's most fulfilling to us.

El:

Beautiful. Yeah, I would like to wrap up with talking about oxytocin and the benefits of touch and some of the physiological benefits of touch Because I feel touch is a sense that often gets overlooked.

Stella:

Yes, absolutely. When you asked earlier, who this class is for, what's coming to mind is well, if your love language is physical touch, you're probably going to come to this class. We all need, touch of some kind, right? Babies can't survive without touch. Such a good point. Yeah. The other thing is that, there's a co regulation that happens. And Krista, when you and Elle, talked about laying on each other's bellies and how that began to help you melt and really help you to feel safe and more open, even the breathing that we're feeling with this person, right? Our head is on their belly, we're feeling their rhythm. Somebody else is on our belly. They're feeling our rhythm. What tends to happen is we are co regulating. And we begin to breathe. Very similarly, we begin to breathe at a rate that matches each other and everything just slows down, everything relaxes, and our parasympathetic system, kicks in where we are able to relax. We're able to not be in our stressful fight or flight modes and as we relax, the oxytocin starts to build, as we're connecting with each other, as we're laughing as we are getting squeezed, sandwiched in a spoon drawer we can feel high from it, right? We can feel like we're floaty blissful. We're feeling soft feeling very receptive your heart is opening that's the oxytocin high. One last question is coming up for me. Can I ask it? Of course. I'm curious how Or if you've taken any of the cuddle positions or any of the cuddle concepts into your own life?

Krista:

I'm single I don't know that would apply to me, but Elle what have you and Gabe got up to?

El:

Oh

my god. I don't know that we've specifically done any of the cuddle positions.

El:

One thing that I did find is over COVID, we started holding hands again we've been together for 13 years. And at some point in the relationship, we just stopped holding hands but over COVID the last couple of years, that's come back into our relationship, which is really nice. I can't say that I specifically brought in anything from the cuddle class, but it was just super insightful for me to be going through and really observant of how do I feel about this person touching me? How do I feel about touching this situation? That's really what I brought with me, but maybe I'll have him lay on my stomach tonight. Calm me down a little bit. Yeah,

Krista:

I didn't learn positions that I would have not thought of that I will want to implement into my next relationship. And even the innocence of them, of, being in contact and not having all contact have to be a sexual thing or sensual thing, when we were kids, me and my friends were so tactile and we'd lay on each other and put our arms around each other or hold hands, you know, we were just in each other's, space. I think that as we get older, touch becomes a sexual thing and to not have, both aspects of it, neutral, sexual, all in between, we're robbing ourselves. So to make it playful, to make it fun, to make it relaxing to make it nurturing, all of those things matter so much and are nutritive. And we need to really think about them full scope versus just I'm going to do this thing which initiates sex and, have almost like a routine a patterning that, you can fall into. So I learned that like, Oh, I want to sit like this with someone that I like, or I want to take this home. I want to take this back into my world. Beautiful.

El:

if you could let us know where people can find you, got a lot going on. Yeah, that sort of thing, how people can get in touch with you.

Stella:

Yes, so you can go to my website, thestellarlife. com, and that's where you can find events that are happening. We're experimenting now, so there's a cuddle class. And then there's the Cuddle Lab. And so Cuddle Class is for anyone who hasn't attended a class before that wants to experience a Cuddle Class. And then the Cuddle Lab is going to be for people like you! Who has experienced a Cuddle Class before, wants to dive right into cuddling. We dive right into the Cuddle Lab so that, you can have four hours straight of that oxytocin magic carpet, right?

El:

Amazing. Thank you so much. I think what you do is unique. It's very special, and it's very needed by so many people. And the way you present it makes it really accessible and challenging to a degree that is still comfortable for people like me and Krista to attend. And push our comfort level a little bit, but maintain our boundaries.

Krista:

Yeah. To pioneer anything is a huge undertaking. It's Really impressive what you've created in the world and what you do for other people and for yourself as well. Having led the charge right to develop these aspects of yourself and explore them and understand them and then to teach others. It's beautiful So thank you.

Stella:

Thank you. I so appreciate you too. Thanks for having me on your podcast. So much.

El:

We really appreciate it.

Krista:

We're big fans, Dallas, so thank you.

Stella:

Thank you. I hope to see you at Kettle again.

Krista:

Thank you for joining us for this episode of The Beginner's Guide to the Third Eye. For more information about the show, visit our website Beginners guide to the third eye.com. For show inquiries, email us at Guide to the Third i@gmail.com and visit the shop page on our website to find many of the products suggested by our practitioners and participants. And if you would be so kind, please leave a review and follow us on your go to podcast platform as it helps build our audience. Thank you. See you soon.